Cold Showers and a Walk in the Desert

               On Monday, January 4^th, I and thirteen other men from my parish, began a 90-day journey through Exodus 90. Exodus 90 is a program of prayer, ascetic disciplines, and fraternity designed to free men from the distractions of the world. Each day, a man is called to spend at least one hour in prayer with a reading from the Book of Exodus and 20 minutes of silent contemplation, take quick, cold showers, get at least seven hours of sleep each night, check in with his anchor, and abstain from television and movies, social media, and unnecessary internet use. Each week, the man must engage in rigorous exercise at least three times, abstain from meat and fast every Wednesday and Friday, and attend a fraternity meeting with the other men in his fraternity. As the first week comes to a close, I reflect on one of the more prominent lessons from the beginning of this journey: Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

               My first day of Exodus 90, I was up at six o’clock in the morning. I brewed my coffee and settled in with my daily reading. As I finished up the introduction to the journey ahead of me, my coffee was ready, and with cup in hand I entered into my first hour of prayer. Silence engulfed me. How long had it been since I had really committed this time to God and separate myself from the noise of every day? Darkness surrounded me. No flashing lights and bright colors, no little numbers next to icons notifying me of new updates, comments on my posts or new messages. Stillness possessed me. I had no place to be, nothing demanded my attention and I did not seek it out. Peace. My anxieties about the job search melted away, stressful thoughts about my daughter’s due date left me, and I knew everything would be okay.

               After prayer, I began my exercise routine and realized sitting at my desk for 8+ hours of day for the last six months hadn’t done me any favors. And then it was time for my daily cold shower. Growing up in San Diego, California, beach days were a common occurrence. The ocean temperature could be in the fifties and sixties. It’s just like diving into the waves, I tried to tell myself. That blast of cold water hitting my face sure didn’t feel like the ocean I grew up with. As I tried to catch my breath and control my breathing and think about the process of actually showering, I was distracted. I was cold and my mind went blank. Then a voice from an old video I had seen cut through my frozen mind,

               “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.” It had been a Navy SEAL talking about his survival class. This became my motto each day for the next week, and one that my fraternity clung to. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Afterall, that’s what Exodus 90 does, it makes you uncomfortable, but for good reason.

               I had been comfortable scrolling mindlessly through social media liking random posts for no particular reason. I had been comfortable having a beer in the late afternoon, snacking throughout the day, and eating ice cream on the couch watching Netflix with my wife. Now I was forced to examine my daily habits and realize I wasted a lot of time not being productive. Time I could have spent building and deepening my relationship with my wife had been spent handing out dopamine candy to people I never spoke to or even knew in some cases. Time I could have been deepening my own knowledge and understanding of various topics was wasted consuming but not absorbing cheap thrills meant to tap into my emotions without any substance. Time I could have invested in myself and my health was trashed being lazy and slowly poisoning my body. A blast of cold water to my face, a shock to my system; it was time to wake up.

               Being in your comfort zone isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. It’s familiar and safe. It’s where we get to enjoy life and the fruit of our labors. But can we really grow if we never leave the comfort of our sanctuary and challenge ourselves? During my bootcamp, each week we strove to spend most of our time in a “learning zone”. It was the zone outside our comfort zone, which was where we were comfortable practicing old concepts, but not really learning anything new. The learning zone was where we were actively engaged, learning how some new type of function worked, or what React hooks were to manipulate the virtual DOM. It was where we grew in our skills and knowledge as developers. And sometimes, to get to the learning zone, we had to pass through the “panic zone.” The panic zone was where we realized we had no idea what was going on. It was where anxiety creeped up and doubts surfaced, but if you could ask for help, you could get through it. We all went through the panic zone at least once, and we all helped and pulled each other through it to the learning zone. To learn new ideas and grow as a person, we sometimes have to look in the mirror and examine our deep seeded prejudices and ideas we grew up on. This can be uncomfortable. To recognize what we took for granted as normal might not actually be good can be hard and painful. To realize we weren’t the best version of ourselves to fully love others, can hurt. It’s uncomfortable because we aren’t used to it, and the more comfortable we get being uncomfortable, the more we can open our minds and hearts to learning and growing.

               Growing takes time. It requires challenge, but the fruits of personal growth are well worth the investment. Come Easter Sunday, when Exodus 90 ends, I will be thankful for the days of fasting, the fraternity, the prayer, and the cold showers. They will all help me grow as the person, husband, and father I long to be. And I just might pour myself a dram of good whiskey with my friends to celebrate our journey. But until then, I will gradually get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

For more on Exodus 90, please visit: https://exodus90.com/